Posts tagged ‘cloudy day’

December 12, 2011

Randomnessness + A dreamy reality

Yes, I came up with a  new word…  A word to describe this special post.  And the reason it’s special is because this is the first post in a looooong time.  Since October 28th, 2011 things have took a turn in my slow life and I became super busy.  But you guys already knew that, I’m sure.  So on another special day, I went out and snapped a few lovely snapshots of how a typical Fall day here in good ol’ Virginia SHOULD look like…  But this year it’s….  Super Special!  Mainly because the weather is all whack. ;)  Like it snowed in October, and November felt like May.

The only day I was off work, I took a little field-trip to the countrier side of the country-side.  It was a beautiful cloudy day and it seemed perfectly peaceful to take a few hours to myself and think…  I did a lot of thinking, as well as snapping.  I thought about where I am right now in life and what to do next.  Thought about writing down my thoughts, but then realized I’m to chicken to have anyone read them someday.  Pictured myself in third-person-perspective and found a strong, confident, and open person…  But snapping back into my body I found myself a lie.  I’m not as strong and confident as what people might see me as.  I’m just a scared and confused girl.  I may be open, but only to a certain extent.  When it jeopardizes my image as a person I block out.  I’m nothing what I am on the outside.

With every shot I took, I stared at my camera screen and a million thoughts ran through my head.  The same thoughts as when I was taking the picture.  Now as I sit here and look at the pictures that I posted, I remember every thought as clearly as it happened a minute ago.  I’m not depressed, if that’s the idea you’re forming.  But I am a little lonely, not because I have no one to talk to, (I do, I have a wonderfully supportive husband) but because I don’t think there’s a single person out there in this over-populated world that feels even slightly similar to what I am feeling.  And to describe what I’m feeling, I first need to find the right words…  I don’t have those words.

I feel like I’m trapped between reality and a dream.  A wonderful dream.  A scary reality.  And the second I lean more to either side I am yanked back to the in-between. Does that make any sense?

 


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